Should I even be pissed? No I’m not pissed, I’m more upset. Christine has been so distant from me ever since ej..Seriously what the heck happened. I’m slowly losing all my friends. Oh well fuck it….college is coming soon. I’m excited for that.
I think it’s kind of funny because I try to be your friend but you do nothing but push me away.
It’s also funny because whenever I’m mad at you, you have to be mad at me also.
Everything is funny because I was the one blamed for making things wrong, for making things awkward, for not making it back to normal. Why do I have to always make things normal? Why can’t you make them normal? Why di I have to di everything. Yeah, you were special to me, but that was when you were still mine, when you still believed in me, when you still considered me as a best friend, when you still depended on me. But I guess that’s all gone.
Yes, it’s true, I still miss you as a best friend. I still want to try again, but when we try this again, is it possible that both of us try instead of one? And can one person not be mad all the time?
This is stupid, thank god I’m not telling you this though and just ranting about it on my blog. I’m always the one chasing. Since when do you do the chasing. Okay maybe you come up to me and apologize in a stupid way, but you’ve said sorry so many times that it lost its meaning. You’ve said sorry for being mad or doing stupid things, but you continue to do it. Seriously, I don’t even know what sorry even means to you.
Just realize that I have feelings too. You’re not the only one. And if you really believe that I’m still your friend or best friend, it wouldn’t take so long to think about why or how long you should be mad at me.
“Someone should write a book where the main character slowly falls in love with the reader.”
Last line of the book : “Please, don’t close the book, I don’t want to die”
oh my god
I’d just like, keep the book open and tape it to a wall.
I’m almost afraid to want it.
John Green, we’re waiting.
“So I guess this is it, isn’t it? There are no more chapters, right? You said we were getting close and that was a while ago.”
I stared up into the sky, it was the same old sky there had always been, except for some rainclouds that hadn’t been there a few minutes ago. It wasn’t raining, but they were still floating up there, grey and dismal.
You begin to ask me something.
“Don’t ask me how I know, I just do. Things just feel really final right now, like the downward slope is starting to level out. Eventually… We’ll hit the back cover, right?”
I sat down on a bench- had that been there a few minutes ago? It was hard to tell.
“Did you say yes? I think I heard you. Your voice keeps getting harder to hear.”
Thunder rumbled, but… It wasn’t like the thunder I’m used to. It sounded like you, and it sounded sad. From one of the clouds, a single drop of rain fell on the grainy wood of the bench.
“… You’re crying, aren’t you? I’m sorry, I’m really sorry. I wish I could change this. I wish I could reach where you are.”
Thunder rolled again, and behind it was a voice. Your voice.
“Me? I’ll be fine, I think. I don’t know if this has ever happened before. I don’t really know what happens when you… close the book.”
You ask me if I’m afraid.
And oddly, I’m not.
“No, actually. Because… Whatever happens to me when you close the cover… You can always open the book up again, right?” and that’s when the answer hits me, the realization jolting me to stand again. “That’s it, isn’t it? You can open it back up. The words won’t change, but I’ll still be here. You can meet me all over again, and I can meet you, and everything we have will come back.”
It’s raining now, and the clouds have merged together, and in them, for the first time… I see you.
You are the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life.
You’re crying, but it’s quiet, and maybe that was the sound of your tears hitting paper.
I realize that we don’t have a lot of time.
“Listen- before it’s all over- I want you to know that everything, all of this… Even being over, it was worth it. It was worth it to meet you, to get to know you. Even if when you close that cover and I disappear- it was all worth it. I love you.”
You love me too, I know it, I can feel it, just like for a moment I can feel what it would be like to hold your hand.
There is a very long pause, and I realize you’re prolonging what has to happen.
“You can do it.”
For the first time, you have to be the hero. You have to close the book so we can keep going. And I believe in you.
The sky gets darker, slowly, but then it gets light again, and your face is still up in those clouds. You open your mouth and for the first time I HEAR you, not just feel what you’re saying or understand you in my own head, your voice comes through the pages in your world and into the reality of mine, and it reverberates and I can hear every little nuance, down to the hitch from you crying.
“I’ll never forget you,” you say. “I’ll come back soon.”
SOMEONE DID AND NOW IM EMOTIONAL
“I love you.” She whispered softly closing the book. Her fantasy must end and he must die with it no matter how great their love. Tears fell from her eyes, landing upon the hard worn cover of her most beloved book. The book in which lied the love of her life. The book that loved her back. She ached to open it again but she could not continue like this. She must move on and live a life not in her precious book. Sobs racked her body as she walked to the self, hesitantly sliding her beloved book into the shelf. It was only for a time, she told herself. That she would come back again and read the story of her love again and that she may fall in love again. Whipping her eyes she turned toward the door, but froze in her tracks. A man stood there, concern lining his every feature. She knew that face. It was exactly as she had pictured it, from every line of his jaw to the exact color of his eyes. This can’t be possible.
“Why are you crying?” Oh, his voice. That was his voice. It was as soothing as she had imagined. Her knees grew week and her mind went numb. She struggled for words as he approached her slowly, he knelt before her and touched her cheek, worry etched in his gentle movement. “What’s wrong? Has something happened?”
She could only choke out, “You’re real?”
FUCK IT GOT BETTER
I don’t remember if I rebloged it the last time I read it, but since I cried even though I already knew what was going to happen, it deserves to be here again if I did.
8 Ways To Say I Love You
1. Spit it into her voicemail, a little slurred and sounding like the shot whiskey you downed for courage. Feel as ashamed as you do walking into work in last night’s clothes. Wake up cringing for days, waiting for her to mention it.
2. Sigh it into her mouth, wedged in between teeth and tongues. Don’t even let your lips move when you say it, ever so lightly, into the air. Maybe it was just an exhalation of ecstasy.
3. Buy her flowers. Buy her chocolate. Buy her a teddy bear, because that’s what every romantic comedy has taught you. Take her out to a nice restaurant where neither of you feel comfortable and spend the whole night clearing your throat and tugging at your tie. Feel like your actions are more suited to a proposal than the simple confession of something you’ve always known.
4. Whisper it into her hair in the middle of the night, after you’ve counted the space between her breaths and are certain she’s asleep. Shut your eyes quickly when she shifts toward you in askance. Maybe you were just sleep whispering.
5. Blurt it out in the middle of an impromptu dance party in the kitchen, as clumsy as your two left feet. When time seems to freeze, hastily tack on “in that shirt” or “when you make your award-winning meatballs” or, if you are feeling particularly brave, “when we do this.” Resume dancing and pretend you don’t feel her eyes on you the rest of the night.
6. Write her a letter in which the amount of circumnavigating and angst could rival Mr. Darcy’s. Debate where to leave it all day – on her pillow? In her coat pocket? Throw it away in frustration, conveniently leaving it face up in the trashcan, her name scrawled on the front in your sloppy handwriting. Let her wonder if you meant it.
7. Wait until something terrible has happened and you can’t not tell her anymore. Wait until she almost gets hit by a car crossing Wabash against the light and after you are done cursing at the shit-for-brains cab drivers in this city, realize you are actually just terrified of living without her. Tell her with your hands shaking.
8. Say it deliberately, your tongue a springboard for every syllable. Over coffee, brushing your teeth side-by-side, as you turn off the light to go to sleep – it doesn’t matter where. Do not adorn it with extra words like “I think” or “I might.” Do not sigh heavily as if admitting it were a burden instead of the most joyous thing you’ve ever done. Look her in the eyes and pray, heart thumping wildly, that she will turn to you and say, “I love you too.”
When I got home from the Buffalo Wild Wings, I went into my room. I bought Ej some wings from the BWW place. So I waited until he came over to pick up dinner. He bought me starbucks blah blah. So while I was talking to him, my grandma called. She asked where I was and was all complaining. So I just hung up on her. I don’t want to deal with this. So I said my goodbyes with Ej, and walked in back into the house.
My grandma then yelled at me. She’s so concerned about her own life. She got mad because I walked out without locking the door. Okay I’m right at the gate, if anything were to happen, I’d see it happen with my own eyes. I wouldn’t let it happen. I may be a girl, but I’m not weak, I’m not stupid. My grandma is really underestimating me. She’s scared of getting killed or robbed. That’s not going to happen. The more she thinks about it, the more paranoid she’s going to get.
I get it, I’m being too harsh. My grandma is just still going through the depression part of my dad’s death…but still. I don’t see why she’s being to paranoid. Okay maybe because of the fact that there are no men in the house, she’s scared. Then won’t that help Jimmy in making her move in with Yi Be? I don’t know. This is stupid….Pisses me off.
I fear of not having enough to eat. It’s not that i don’t have enough, it’s just that, my house lacks the food I had before when my parents were still around. Let’s just say this spoiled child is in shit. I’m not used to not having things handed by my parents.
I’m having this fear of being anorexic because of my non-consistency of my menstrual cycle, and because i feel hungry a lot. And when it comes to food, i turn to junk food. It’s the only thing I can eat. I can’t make any real food at home because my grandma gets mad, and because I don’t have time to cook. If I were to make food at home now, it’d be ramen..which isn’t a good thing…
I think there is a difference though between anorexia and lack of food. Oh well, just a few more weeks, and home sweet home with Jimmy. I’m going to miss this house terribly, all those beautiful memories are being shattered. I’ll have a better life with Jimmy though…heh that’s if I go with Jimmy….
Even with the greatest friends I have around me…I still feel super lonely…i miss my family..yeah sure my grandma is family..but I miss my brother, the only family I have..I don’t like this feeling of being alone..hopefully I don’t do anything stupid..
who art thou? O_o
if you need to talk to me,then you must let me know who you are first don’t you think?
Hey Tumblr, it’s been a while isn’t it? Well so many things have been going on. For one thing, I’m a senior. :D Yay ^_^
I’m in fresh effect, tennis season is over. Blah Blah.
So I haven’t really told the story yet of what happened have I? Well..my father passed away. September 12, 2013. He died of liver cancer…yeah I don’t know how long he had known he has liver cancer. The death was so sudden. I thought he was getting better…but I guess not. It was a hard decision to finally let him go. That time that Jimmy and I were sitting there finding out that we had to make a decision on whether we should let my dad go now or later. I mean either way, the doctor said, my dad will not make it. But we can keep his heart alive until the next day. My dad disliked the tube going through his throat, he dislike the pain..he wanted to end it. How my dad was trying to write, trying to tell us to take out the tube. It was a horrendous day..I wish I didn’t have to live that moment. I wish my dad was still here. I wish he didn’t have that cancer, I wish he was healthy.
Reading through my past posts, I was wishing for freedom. I was hating on my dad, I was an evil little child. I’m sorry daddy. I really miss you. I miss both you and mom. I wish you both were here. I’m too free right now..too free. I don’t like it.
Hello tumblr, it’s been a while