I fear of not having enough to eat. It’s not that i don’t have enough, it’s just that, my house lacks the food I had before when my parents were still around. Let’s just say this spoiled child is in shit. I’m not used to not having things handed by my parents.
I’m having this fear of being anorexic because of my non-consistency of my menstrual cycle, and because i feel hungry a lot. And when it comes to food, i turn to junk food. It’s the only thing I can eat. I can’t make any real food at home because my grandma gets mad, and because I don’t have time to cook. If I were to make food at home now, it’d be ramen..which isn’t a good thing…
I think there is a difference though between anorexia and lack of food. Oh well, just a few more weeks, and home sweet home with Jimmy. I’m going to miss this house terribly, all those beautiful memories are being shattered. I’ll have a better life with Jimmy though…heh that’s if I go with Jimmy….
Even with the greatest friends I have around me…I still feel super lonely…i miss my family..yeah sure my grandma is family..but I miss my brother, the only family I have..I don’t like this feeling of being alone..hopefully I don’t do anything stupid..
who art thou? O_o
if you need to talk to me,then you must let me know who you are first don’t you think?
Hey Tumblr, it’s been a while isn’t it? Well so many things have been going on. For one thing, I’m a senior. :D Yay ^_^
I’m in fresh effect, tennis season is over. Blah Blah.
So I haven’t really told the story yet of what happened have I? Well..my father passed away. September 12, 2013. He died of liver cancer…yeah I don’t know how long he had known he has liver cancer. The death was so sudden. I thought he was getting better…but I guess not. It was a hard decision to finally let him go. That time that Jimmy and I were sitting there finding out that we had to make a decision on whether we should let my dad go now or later. I mean either way, the doctor said, my dad will not make it. But we can keep his heart alive until the next day. My dad disliked the tube going through his throat, he dislike the pain..he wanted to end it. How my dad was trying to write, trying to tell us to take out the tube. It was a horrendous day..I wish I didn’t have to live that moment. I wish my dad was still here. I wish he didn’t have that cancer, I wish he was healthy.
Reading through my past posts, I was wishing for freedom. I was hating on my dad, I was an evil little child. I’m sorry daddy. I really miss you. I miss both you and mom. I wish you both were here. I’m too free right now..too free. I don’t like it.
Hello tumblr, it’s been a while
I finally got A’s in all of my classes…Except my stupid English class..I have a C..thanks Williams…ugh I don’t know how I’m going to catch up..this is going to be a tough year in that class -_-
No Academic Jacket for me either…*sigh* wish I didn’t skip those 2 days when my father left….ugh
I don’t want to leave my grandma, but she’s making it really hard for me to stay with her.
You’re both together in a better place. Please don’t forget about Jimmy and I. Please visit us soon. I miss you both very much. Remember to visit. I love you mom and dad. Con yeu ba va ma.
So today was such an amazing day~
I came into school and Winny said happy birthday to me out loud. Ej came in and hugged me saying happy birthday and so did Sabrina. I didn’t know what was going on. I was expecting something to happen, but nothing happened, so I was like oh well whatever. Except Krissy came in and told me happy birthday and gave me my gift which was this really cute white flowery blouse! It was too cute.
I went to my locker to put my books away but I couldn’t even do that, Christine stuffed my locker with balloons. I was like what the heck, I was mad but I was like whatever. It’s played out, it’s been done before, couldn’t she think of something new?
So I went into 1st period, which was whatever. It was the same, nothing new nothing old.
Then I went into homeroom doing whatever. I sat down wondering where Stephanie and Nancy were. I looked to the door and see Stephanie lagging on coming in. Then she turned in and walking in with this huge box. Nancy comes in with a sign and 5 lollipops. The sign said Happy birthday and Stephanie gave me a huge chocolate cake. It was so cute~ They literally went all out and it was so beautiful. Then they told Avalos and the class sang me happy birthday LOL
Then we went to 2nd period, took 2 pictures and started talking. After 2nd we went to nutrition and I saw what Wu gave me. She got me a white tank and earrings and pads. Nice nice, it was nice. Haaha.
I left Mayorga’s class to go look for Wu and Winny. They weren’t in Rauen’s so I went to Harada’s and next thing I knew, I see Wu and Winny walking out with a Forever 21 bag and a long sign that says Happy Birthday. It was so cute! OMG they stopped in front of me with that sign and it was just beautiful. I teared up and everything.
Then things went by as it should’ve and during 4th I was practicing my speech for Dream Project. Ran for Vice President~ Wooo! ;)
Lunch came and I excitedly went to Dream Project. Before I did my speech, Grace was introducing me and said it was my birthday and everything LOL too cute haha Anyway I did my speech and I have to say it wasn’t that bad.
Afterschool I had practice, and then I had to go ucla leadership. I got there, did some work and then Chase comes out with a cake. A tres des leches cake. It was so beautiful, it said Happy Birthday Pumpkin. HEHEH and they sang me happy birthday and then we ate the cake. It was very moist and I think that was the point :P
Went home and Jimmy wast there. He was being so dorky ahha
we went to Ralphs and Jimmy let me buy literally anything I wanted, like things I could eat. It was fun going with Jimmy. He was being very funny and nice. And then we went over to Baskin Robins and bought a cake.
Seriously, this day was just perfect. It was so nice. I really liked this day that Jimmy spent his last day of the week at home and it was fun. I laughed a lot and smiled a lot. It was fun. :)
And to make things even better, Grace messaged or called me and told me that I won the position for Vice President for Dream Project!~ YUP THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! ;)
I feel pretty sad and lonely.
My friends (Wu, Winny, Krissy, Denis, Sandra) are going out today. They’re going to go to Pasadena, go to Islands. I said how I was going to go and stuff. I really wanted to go.
I can’t go. I’m stuck at home, doing homework and taking care of my father. It’s ridiculous…I want to have freedom. I just can’t wait until I go to college so I can do whatever I want. No one holding me back.
Jimmy said I’m not having like the hard time. He had it worse or equal to what I’m dealing now.
No it’s not the same or his is worse than mine. Mine is worse. Why? Because I have to help dad every single minute, every single second, every single day. Not only that, grandma isn’t healthy either. I don’t have mom, or a little sister or brother to help me out with this shit.
I’m doing really crappy in my work. In psychology I’m so behind. Physiology I’m behind. History I’m fucking way behind. It’s fucking stupid! But no one, is home to help me this shit. Linh is being fucking selfish and not helping. She’s in her own stupid life taking care of her social life and not caring about family. I need someone to be home with me, to take care of the adults. I’m so stressed out that I just want to sit in a corner and cry.
This isn’t going to be the best year. This has got to be the worst senior year ever.